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Israelis without posts to sue Netanyahu Government


[April 1] A group of six irate Israelis are suing the Benjamin Netanyahu government on grounds of gross and unfair discrimination. Said Moishe Miskehn, their representative:

It's not fair, why should I be left out? Everyone else is in this government except me. I voted for the Likud. I'm a nice guy and I can count to 10. Why can't I be minister of finance, or at least vice-minister?

They are the only people in Israel who are not members of the opposition and did not get ministerial or vice-ministerial posts in the new government. A Netanyahu spokesperson announced that cabinet meetings will be held in Teddy Stadium in Jerusalem, to ensure that everyone has a seat.

Some Israelis were also wondering how it was possible, with so many ministers, that there would be no Health Minister.

The Prime Minister's spokesperson explained that in order to economize, Israel's health system will be closed down as redundant.

"Owing to the financial crisis, we have decided to focus on essentials, such as cars for ministers and new Yeshivot. Luxuries like the health system will have to go by the wayside. That's part of our program to encourage private initiative. The leftist television circulated a false rumor that a deputy health minister will be appointed. As you can see that is completely false. Nobody will be in charge of health services because they are not necessary."

The spokesman also insisted that not everyone is qualified to be a minister. He stated:

"With all due respect to Mr. Miskehn, not everyone is qualified to be a minister. Israel faces critical challenges in the period ahead: The Iranian nuclear threat, the economy, winning the Eurovision song contest. We have chosen a top team to meet the challenges. Take Minister Limor Livnat, who is in charge of doing absolutely nothing and wasting tax money. Nobody in Israel is as qualified as Limor Livnat for this post. And take Minister Mickey Eitan. He is in charge of improving government services. This is a vital job, and as soon as someone figures out what he is supposed to be doing, we are sure he will tackle the job with enthusiasm. But the really critical appointment in these troubled economic times is the Finance Minster. It is true Mr. Miskehn can count to ten, but that is hardly enough to be Minister of Finance. Miskehn probably counts to ten on his fingers. That's not good enough for us. We chose Dr. Yuval Steinitz, an expert on defense and security. He is qualified to be Minister of Finance because he has a bank account and credit cards, and he can multiply up to 100 in his head."

According to a Haaretz poll, 54% of Israelis are not satisfied with the new government:

The public believes that two of the cabinet's senior ministers are not suited for their jobs. Foreign Minister Avigdor Lieberman received the support of only a quarter of participants in the survey. Most believe that Lieberman should not represent Israel abroad.

Finance Minister Steinitz received 22 percent in his favor, compared with 27 percent against. More than half the respondents said they simply do not know what they think of him - they do not know who Steinitz is.

Benjamin Netanyahu responded to criticism of the Steinitz appontment:

"Hey, that's my friend you are talking about. As a commando in Sayeret Matkal I developed a keen sense of loyalty. I stand by my friends. What greater qualification could Steinitz have? He is a smart man. He will study the economy and in four years he will undoubtedly know as much as anyone with a BA in economics."

Foreign Minister Avigdor Lieberman responded:

"Who is not dissatisfied? I want their names and addresses. Only leftists and traitors are dissatisfied. Soon you will see that everyone will be satisfied, because anyone who does not swear they are satisfied with the government will lose their citizenship.

"Ministry foreign job requires great diplomatzieh and tact and good knowledge Yinglish. I will be best Yisrael minister of foreign. I will tell Amerikanski Materyevyets to go to hell, and also Egyptians. If they do not like, we bomb Hoover Dam and Aswan Dam.

Why do Yisraelis think I not to be good minister affairs foreign? Vadnoy, my Yinglish once not so good. But I study. Now is my Yinglish Ochin Charasho, da?

Asked about the large number of ministers, Lieberman responded:

"Da. Vadnoy! Is problem. We solve problem by changing system of elections. There are too many parties. Where I come from, it was proved that only one party is needed for best government, and everyone was always satisfied there.

Israeli pundits speculated that the new government was engineered by outgoing Prime Minister Ehud Olmert, in order to show how good the previous government had been.

Ami Isseroff

P.S. April Fool! But the government is real enough.

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Original text copyright by the author and MidEastWeb for Coexistence, RA. Posted at MidEastWeb Middle East Web Log at http://www.mideastweb.org/log/archives/00000756.htm where your intelligent and constructive comments are welcome. Distributed by MEW Newslist. Subscribe by e-mail to mew-subscribe@yahoogroups.com. Please forward by email with this notice and link to and cite this article. Other uses by permission.

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