The local variant of the above is called Middle East Bullsh*t bingo. Here are excerpts from zippy Tzipi Livni's speech that caused me to yell out "BINGO!"

"BINGO!"

Honsestly, I didn't invent it. It was communicated by the Prime Minister's Office. The late Poli of the Gashah Hahiver comedy team would have appreciated that speech as the work of a master. Gashash had a routine based on a similar-sounding election campaign speech by a 1950's type Israel Labor party functionary, exhorting the party faithful to greater efforts, full of facts on the ground signifying nothing, and explaining that the situation today is more complex than ever. It always is, isn't it?

Zippy Tzipi is a much greater artist than the Gashash. She can make speeches like the above and nobody laughs. Everyone takes them seriously. Drama is a far more serious art than comedy. Philosophers and scientists have tried to understand history; Tzipi Livni's task is to make it meaningless. Post-structuralists and post-modernists merely dream of deconstructing meaning. Diplomats like Tzipi Livni are actually doing it.

The first rule for judging good bullsh*t is that it mustn't sound like bullsh*t. A Google search reveals 678 pages with "Situation on the Ground" and "Livni" in them.

Zippy Tzipi, where's the value added proposition? We all want to do the right thing. It's a no-win situation. You don't have to be a rocket scientist: The situation on the ground is that Israel builds settlements and the Palestinians fire rockets. Israel kills Palestinians who didn't fire rockets, and the other Palestinians fire more rockets. There is no need for more speeches for the sake of making speeches, or more dialogue for the sake of dialogue. You need to be proactive and empower the moderates. You must learn from past experience. It is time to start thinking out of the box, and to change the situation on the ground, though it is assuredly more complex than ever, as usual.

Ami Isseroff