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At the height of the Intafada, the Israelis and Arabs realized that, if
they continued, they would someday end up destroying the world. So they sat down and
decided to settle the whole dispute with a dogfight.
The negotiators agreed that each country would take five years to develop the best
fighting dog they could. The dog that won the fight would earn its country the right to
rule the world. The losing side would have to lay down its arms.
The Arabs found the biggest, meanest Dobermans and Rottweilers in
the world. They bred them together and then crossed their offspring with the meanest
Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest, strongest puppy from each litter,
killed all the other puppies and fed the lone dog all of the milk. They used
steroids and trainers in their quest for the perfect killing machine, until,
after the five years were up, they had a dog that needed iron prison bars on his
cage. Only the trainers could handle this beast.
When the day of the big fight arrived, the Israelis showed up with a strange animal:
It was a nine-foot-long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for the Israelis. No one else
thought this weird animal stood a chance against the growling beast in the
Arab camp. The bookies predicted the Arabs would win in less than a minute.
The cages were opened. The Dachshund waddled toward the center of
the ring. The Arab dog leapt from his cage and charged the giant wiener-dog. As he
got to within an inch of the Israeli dog, the Dachshund opened its jaws and
swallowed the Arab beast in one bite. There was nothing left but a small bit of fur
from the killer dog's tail.
The Arabs approached the Israelis, shaking their heads in disbelief.
"We do not understand. Our top scientists and breeders worked for five years
with the meanest, biggest Dobermans and Rottweilers. They developed a killing
"Really?" the Israelis replied. "We had our top plastic surgeons
working for five years to make an alligator look like a Dachshund!"
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